Has No One Told You That She's Not Breathing
by Andi6739
Summary: Pastel Rose has never had a normal life. She works for CSI and has been in love with Ryan Wolfe for . . . as long as she can remember. But with a case that's tearing Pastel at the seams, Pastel convinced that Ryan doesn't love her, were can Pastel turn too? But there's someone else there for Pastel that she doesn't know about. Ryan/OC Multi Chap/


**Heyy! Well, the prompt for this story is Hello - Evanescence. I love that song. **

_Long dark clouds drown out the rest of the sky and blind me. I race forward, trying to grab on to Percy. I scream as he falls into the darkness..._

I wake up, sweat soaked with tears rolling down my cheeks, again. . . I reach out my arms, trying to find out if Ryan's still here or if he's already left. My finger nails end up scraping the empty bed as I slowly allow myself to realize that he's left me. _He always will. _I tell myself, _No one wants you. _I look over at the clock and see that it's six thirty. So, I swing my legs from the bed and wipe the last tears that show my weakness from my face. I close my eyes and tell myself self that everything that me and Ryan are is just a lie. We are just lies. He's **never **going to really love me, so what's the point? This started because he thought that I was broken. I laughed at him; a nervous laugh. I tried to hide my fear with that laugh. It was the laugh that started the lies.

I wiggle my toes in the soft blue carpet and walk into my kitchen. The walls are peach and the ceiling lime but to me everything seems black and white. I tip some boiling coffee that Ryan must have left out, into a mug. It burns as I swallow it but I can barely feel it. I walk back to my room and grab last nights clothes from the floor. My hands try to find my top but I can't find it, so I pull something random from a draw. Pulling on a pair on Converse Heels, I grab some more coffee and leave my flat in darkness.

As I pull up outside the lab, I spot Ryan getting from his car. _He doesn't want you, don't even bother talking with him. Your not worth his time. _He walks over to me, smiling like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"Hey Crayon Brain. How are you?" Broken. Shattered. Abandoned. Lost. Cold. These are the words that come to my mind but I mutter, "fine."

"So, how mad are you then?" He asks as we walk through the doors to the lab. Madder then I've ever been. I hate you with my every inch of my being, but I can't help loving you.

"I'm not. I'm just a bit tired." He looks at me, and I can tell that he can see straight through my lie, but he's kind enough not to say anything. There are tear's in my eyes now, threatening to break my sanity; but I don't them. I blink, trying to make the traitor tears go away but they just spill down my cheeks. I hang back and wipe my eyes. He turns around to look at me, but I close my eyes and pray that he keeps walking.

But, I'm not answered and I feel his hand on my shoulder. "Pastel, what's wrong?" I hate you for leaving me every night. That I love you and you'll never love me back. That every time I see your beautiful face, my heart breaks into millions of pieces. I hate you for not loving me.

"Ryan, nothings wrong. I'm just a bit tired, that's all." I push his hand off and walk inside. Today is going to be a bad day. I grab a bright blue hair tie from my wrist and pull my pink and orange streaked blonde hair into a high ponytail. Grabbing my lab coat from the hook, I pull it on over my pink tank top. Calleigh smiles at me and says, "Trouble in paradise?" There's no trouble and it's not paradise.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I let the sarcasm drip from my mouth before I walk over to the DNA lab. Eric smiles at me before pulling me into a hug. "What's wrong, Crayon Brain?"

Everything. "Nothing."

"Liar." He said, releasing me from the hug.

Then the dam breaks. Tears started spurting from my eyes and I start clinging to Eric's shirt likes it's my life line.

Because it is.

"It's Ryan. He never stays. Every morning I wake up and he's gone. I can't help myself but I hate myself for loving him, but I can't help it. Every time I go to sleep I wake up heart broken. I want him to stay but I know that he never will."

"Pastel, sweetie. Your far to good for him-"

"No, no I'm not." I say, "I'm a mess. My father abused me and my brother. He killed by mother. I'm a paranoid mess because if him. He swore revenge on me and I can barely sleep at night."

"-I don't care what you think. Your amazing and perfect. I don't care what you think you are, I know you. Your fun, bright, kind and caring." I keep clinging to Eric's shirt as I continue crying. As soon as I pulled my face from his shirt, I hear someone calling for me.

I rub my eyes and look to see Ryan mouthing for me to come over. I look at Eric with sad eyes and walk to Ryan. He looks at me with those disappointed eyes that stab me with guilt. And I can't help but let him break my heart all over again. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the janitor's closest. His lips and on mine and mine are on his. I can feel his tongue pressed against my lips and then the rest becomes a blur.

When I open my eyes again, I'm slumped on the floor and my clothing is messed up. My make up has disappeared and my skirt is lying on the floor, centimeters from my underwear. I stand up and fix my clothes and make up. I walk of the closest and Calleigh looks at me with a weak smile. A large rumble shakes the building and I grab onto the door. Then another one echoes through and I half-run half-stumble to the DNA lab. Calleigh grabs my arm as another rumble shakes the building. Then, a sharp sound of rain slices the building in half. Calleigh lets go of my arm and she looks at me with saddisappointedhurt eyes.

"What happened?" I look at her, my eyes refilling with tears.

"I don't want to talk about it." I say. I hate brushing her off, she's my best friend and I know that I shouldn't do this. "It's just. . ." So painful for me to see Ryan leave me that it breaks my heart over and over again and one day it will never be able to be put back together. That I lie to everyone about everything. "Complicated."

She shakes her head and purses her lips at me. "Ryan?"

"Complicated." I repeat. So complicated that I'm not even sure myself.

That southern drawl wakes me from my mind and I look over at her. "Well?"

"Sorry, miles away."

"I just asked why do you let Ryan break your heart."

"You know about that?" I eyes widen as I say that.

"Course. How stupid do you think I am?"

"Just drop it." I say as foot step enter the building. Horatio walks in and gives me the _I Know What You Doing But I Need Proof _look. I duck my head and look at Calleigh but her eyes are trained on Eric. We lightly jog over to him as Eric and Ryan walk over too. "Case?" I whisper.

The trip to the crime scene is a hazy blur and the next thing that I remember is that me and Ryan are alone. His hand is tracing my collar bone and I push it off. He looks at me with misty clouded eyes and I give him the angryhurtsadthisiswhatitfeel slike eyes.

"Oh." He says. That's what breaks us.

"I hate you." For leaving me and breaking my heart every day. So I tell him that.

"I leave you?"

"Yes. Every morning I wake up and have to face that fact that your never ever going to love me. That I'm not good enough for you. Because when I wake up in the mornings, everything is black and white. Because you don't love me."

He doesn't response. _Good, your not worth his him. _It starts to rain harder and I'm pretty sure that my bones are soaked. I look at him, light blue eyeliner running down my cheeks. He goes to pull me into a hug when his phone starts ringing.

_**Turn all the lights on! **_

I look at him, a smile creeping on to my lips. He pulls it from his pocket and it's Horatio. They have a suspect and they need us to come in. So we go. My eyes stares at the floor the inter time. Because I can't face those eyes that loved me in the dark. Those beautiful hazel eyes. The ones that make my heart melt every time that I see moonlight reflected in them. I shake my head of those beautiful eyes that are just above that perfect nose that leads to those soft lips. Lips that have crossed mine so many times. That have climaxed me more times then I can count. That I can never forget how they feel against my skin.

I look at him and our eyes meet. I'm sosososo sorry. ". . ." I try to tell him how sorry I am but I can't get the words out. "Pastel, look-"

"No. I can't be with someone that doesn't love me as much as I love them. I love you so much that it hurts. I can't be with you if you don't love me."

"-I do-"

"Your beautiful, perfect and amazing. You don't deserve a paranoid mess of a person. Which is known as me. I don't want you to be with me, I'm a mess and you deserve a real person."

"-Love you-"

I stay silent and don't even breath. I close my eyes and pray that he can't see my eyes. My eyes are always full of emotion and I can never hide how I really feel. I hate my eyes. Ryan always says that he loves my eyes because that they always change. There slightly blue, slightly green, slightly amber. I hate my eyes. But I love Ryan's eyes. Those perfect hazel eyes.

When the car pulls over, I get out as fast as I can. He grabs my wrist and hugs me. "Please let me go." I can't bear him hugging me because I just reminds be about every time that he's let me.

"Pastel. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you felt that way."

"Yea, well. I do, so just leave me alone." I spit out as I push him away from him and stalk inside. Calleigh, Eric and Horatio look at me. "Doctor Rose, could you please go and talk to our suspect?"

I grumble something inaudible and walk in. The woman has short spiky red hair, bright blue lipstick and a tattoo of a star over her left eye. Her eyes are surrounded by bright pink eye shadow and she's wearing a neon yellow v-neck dress.

"You're Tylar, right?"

"Right."

"Why were you hiding with a knife?"

"Why not?"

"Because, now your out main suspect for murder."

"Look, I barely knew Catherine. She worked with me, that's all. Nothing else."

"Where do you to work?"

"The Neon Bar."


End file.
